


On the Present Moment

by zarabithia



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-22
Updated: 2006-12-22
Packaged: 2019-05-19 22:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14882057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: Dinah and Barbara raise Lian, because life didn't give them a choice in the matter.





	1. Chapter 1

There had been a time in which Dinah had contemplated being a mom. She can admit now that she had once wanted those children she and Ollie might have had very much.

But the minute she left Ollie for the last time, she knew that having children wasn’t something she wanted anymore. When she finally accepted Barbara as a partner in her personal life, as well as her professional one, that merely sealed the deal. Even if she herself still wanted children, Barbara wasn’t the mothering type. And it wasn’t fair to bring children into a family that didn’t want them.

A cruel twist of fate changed that plan, making it necessary for she and Barbara to be the parents that they’d never intended to be. Proving once again, to two people who really didn’t need any additional reminders, that life was _never_ fair, least of all for children.

Which is why Dinah tries not to think about the happy, might-have-been future in a world that doesn't seem to have them.

Nor does she dwell in a past that took away any chance she, Barbara, or Lian had of obtaining that future.

When she listens to Lian lecture Ollie on how to pronounce "ketoh," she doesn’t remember the numerous times Roy used to slip into his native language whenever he was frustrated, happy, or surprised. She doesn’t think about the conversations she had with Roy about the importance of Lian learning not only his language, but Lian’s mother’s native tongue as well. Dinah consciously doesn’t recall the trivial twinge of self-righteous irritation she’d indulged at having to admit that Lian needed anything in connection to _that_ woman. She tries not to remember hearing Lian’s _other_ father teach her words in the language native to his family.

But despite her best efforts, as she listens to Ollie fumble the pronunciation for the tenth time, Dinah can’t help but remember a Wednesday afternoon three years earlier when she’d still had the ability to be frustrated at both of Lian’s parents. A slipped line of cursing from the five year old in a language Dinah hadn’t known, but had quickly attributed to Dick Grayson, had irritated her to the point that both Barbara and Roy had found amusing. As had Lian, after gaining a promise from her parents not to get punished.

When she watches Connor add to the basic self defense moves she’s taught Lian, Dinah tries not to think about the man who had spent so much time teaching Lian about the flexibility needed in a fight high upon a trapeze that has long since been taken away for storage in a Cave that’s grown more cold with each passing year. She doesn’t think about the wedding that almost was between her partner and Lian’s other father, or the numerous times they had broken out the traditional ice cream ritual after yet another Grayson/Gordon break-up. She tries not to contemplate all the times the same man had been responsible for hurting both of the redheads Dinah loved so much. She doesn’t think about the relief she'd felt on the day of Dick and Roy’s joining ceremony when Barbara had taken her hand and smiled at her without a hint of remorse.

But she can’t forget the way her always strong, always in control partner’s tears had mingled with her own the day they’d received news that they'd lost both men who had mattered so much to them and to Lian.

When Lian is sick, and her little arms cling to Dinah, the older woman tries not to remember the feel of another Harper reaching out to her all those years ago.

When Lian is angry, and shouts things that the half-Bat-raised child only lets out during an argument, Dinah tries to suppress the many, many memories of Roy’s voice raised in anger.

But every now and then, Lian’s Harper-mouth turns upward in something that can’t be mistaken for anything but a smile. In those moments, Dinah remembers each and every time she’d seen that smile on Roy’s face. On those days, despite Dinah’s vow not to think about the way things used to be, she indulges her memory of the world that once was.

It’s not the same world she lives in. The world Dick and Roy left behind has never recovered from the loss of two of their brightest. She hasn’t. Ollie hasn’t. Bruce hasn’t. Barbara hasn’t. _Lian_ hasn’t. Everyone from the Bat Clan to the Arrow Clan to the Titans to the Justice League has felt the aftershocks. . . and Dinah isn’t sure any of them will ever recover.

But Dinah doesn’t like to think about the future, any more than she likes to dwell on the past. It’s an uncomfortable landscape, full of painful might-have-beens - and Barbara tells her that there’s no use in wondering about a life that could have been. Barbara’s right about that, of course.

Dinah tries to heed her partner’s advice as she sits on the hard wooden pew during Donna Troy’s second wedding. It’s hard to ignore the ghosts of the men who should have been present at their fellow Titan’s celebration, and Dinah is there only because she’s the legal guardian of the flower girl. And as Dinah’s eyes sweep over the rapidly growing child, she thinks that it doesn’t seem that long ago since Lian was barely old enough to walk, and she wonders how they’ll get through _Lian’s_ wedding when neither of the men who should give her away will be there.

In the painful future that might-have-been, Roy and Dick would have made Lian’s teenage years hell by driving away any boyfriends that a girl as beautiful as Lian is sure to have.

Barbara tells Dinah they’ll just have to work extra hard on the boyfriends when they start calling, and perhaps send Helena after them. It’s enough to make Dinah smile and hold her partner tightly until the redhead kisses away the thoughts of what-might-have been.

But on the day the Ambassador from Atlantis brings Cerdian by to visit Lian, Dinah’s resolve crumbles a bit more.

She sits at the dining room table, offering Garth tea and listening to him chat animatedly about the rest of the Titans. Her mind is so preoccupied with not getting lost in past images of short pants and feathered caps that she isn’t prepared for the blow her heart receives at the sound of Lian’s voice drifting in from the living room. The child’s quiet, confident tone tells of the superhero she will be when she grows up. Dinah listens to Lian describe every detail, from her the color of her boots to the size of her bow, and can see clearly the future Dart standing beside her in combat.

Yet she can’t help but envision a future where Dart would have stood proudly between Dick and Roy instead.

It’s a brief indulgence, one that Barbara would chide her for - and Dinah knows that Barbara is right. The two of them have far too much to worry about in the present - most of which concerns the child she and Barbara had never dreamed of having. Still, the toll on the heart that never fully recovered from the loss of Dinah's adopted son is too great. Leaving Atlantis' Ambassador in the dining room, Dinah excuses herself and retreats to the solitude of the bathroom.

Behind a locked door, Dinah lets the tears fall as she mourns both a life that's long since past and a future that will never be.

Then she wipes her eyes and heads back out to the living room, where the present is waiting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lian asks Barbara a question.

"Did you love him?"

It wasn't meant to be a cruel question. The eight-year-old was merely seeking a denial of harsh words muttered by a grief-stricken former Titan who hadn't yet learned the value of censoring for little ears' sake. And the uncle that Lian had lost meant far too much to leave the question unasked. Part of her needed the reassurance that this woman - the one who helped Aunt Dinah take care of her - had lost just as much as she had. 

The reply was long in coming, and the infamous Harper patience had time to agitate Lian's toes against the bottom of her sandals while she waited. But eventually, Barbara tilted Lian's head up to meet her own tear-filled gaze. 

"Yes, Lian," Barbara answered. "I loved your Uncle Dick very much."

For now, the reply was enough to quiet Lian's childhood curiosity. In years to come, the moment will gain greater significance as the the only time she'd ever seen Barbara cry.  



End file.
